Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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