It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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