I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
