i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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