guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Randomize
