Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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