The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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