he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
