That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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