I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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