doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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