I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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