The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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