apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
