There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
