We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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