so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
