a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
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