My boss' voice literally gives me gas
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
