The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Randomize
