so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
