You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
