dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
