"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
