First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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