do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
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