We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
