Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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