Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
