And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
