that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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