neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
