Apparently you make a good broom.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
