Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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