He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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