You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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