He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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