Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just invented taco cereal.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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