I feel like abortions should bother me more
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
