fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
