Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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