P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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