I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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