Princesses don't give blow jobs
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
