I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
