dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
