What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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