People with herpes should wear stickers.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
