I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
