U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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