she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
