I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
