are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
