a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
