i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You are the jesus of drinking
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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