you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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