Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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