Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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