Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
