Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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