I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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