Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
