It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
