Old men and throwing up are my life now.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Damn victory sex feels great
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
