I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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