We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
