I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
