and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We are two peas in an std pod
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
