My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
