U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Randomize
