So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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