my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
