Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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