I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize