i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
