Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
