Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
