Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
i think i just lost a toe
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
