8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
