my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He felt like a one man threesome
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
