I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
