things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
