I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
