I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
